Humbled By Grace

I will tell you last night was the first time I have conversed with God with any real meaning and expectation to hear from Him in some time. I have not read a page of the bible in a few months, I have not sacrificed any of myself in a few months and I honestly struggled with the fact of being a Christian. Why? I don’t know. There were a combination of events that just snatched my affection away? I got too religious, too practical, to pragmatic and too self reliant I guess. I said “I am tired of serving others, I am tired of loving others, I am tired of people, they just take from you and abuse you”. I thought, “I got mine, best get yours”. And finally I actually meditated on the notion of “God help those who help themselves”.

Pride, lust, self-centeredness and self-righteousness has dominated my heart for at least the last 5 months. Last night, the Lord reminded me of His grace and it broke me down. Even as I type now there is a lump in my throat.

Believers it is God’s great grace that gives us the ability to do anything. Yes you may work hard, yes you may obey His commands, yes, you may burn the midnight oil, yes you may have made personal sacrifices that are coming back to pay dividends; however, it is God’s grace that allows such thing. I actually scoffed at the idea (over the last few months) about the notion of “without the grace of God will go I”. I said “humph… it is because I do the right thing and make better choices”. I no longer believer that brothers and sisters. I can no longer look at the fallen with anything but a depressed heart and eternal joy that it was my Savior who renewed my heart”. I can no longer look at the drug addict, the prostitute, the molester, the drug dealer, the homeless, or the alcoholic with anything other than brokenness in my soul.

I am as fragile as an egg being held 2000 ft in the air. My entire existence depends on a Sovereign God holding it together with His very word. I am product of grace nothing more and nothing less. It is God through Christ who sustains me. I am but dust! I am but a mist! I have no value or worth outside of a Creator imparting His Spirit within me, creating me in His image, waking me up daily.

The last few months have been terrible spiritually for me and it is because I took my eyes of of Grace. I was easily offended, almost getting into a physical altercation, I was snappy, impatient, unforgiving, self-righteous and downright nasty at times. I had a disposition of apathy and self-centeredness. I had opportunities to really put the Lord Jesus on display yet I used the opportunities to walk in pride and to flaunt my ego and “masculinity”. I am sorry for that and sorry to my brothers and sisters, who I misrepresented rather known or unknown (we are on in Him).

I am humbled by grace, and now can beat my chest with only these words “without the GRACE of God will go I”.

God bless.