Divorce and Remarriage vs. “Gay” Marriage: The Hypocrisy of the Church!
Aug 20
I have been thinking of opening the dialogue on this entire gay marriage issue, at least I hope this post will open some dialogue. With the recent Prop 8 reversal decision and the Christian uproar about it, I think it is time we finally have a heart to heart about the issue. Christians have to stop being hypocritical about this issue. The double standard is appalling, embarrassing and most of all dims the light that we are to share with a dark and cold world. So what do I mean you ask?
Let No Man Tear Asunder….
If the Church is to protect the “institution of marriage” then let me say the “institution” is about as safe as a runaway slave eating a popsicle in front of a slave trading post at high noon. Listen to me very carefully. The institution of marriage has been taken as a joke in American Christianity for as long as I can remember. And not only that the rules and regulations set in each state is getting easier and easier as I type. Is the church in an uproar about that? Not at all! I don’t see Christians lobbying State Representatives to make Divorce tougher. I don’t see people marching on Capitol Hill, in order to change the current trend of divorces in our culture. As a matter of fact I now see many churches starting “divorce care” ministries.
Now I am not saying that every Christian who gets divorce is responsible. Not at all. I am very sympathetic towards the victims of divorce. What I am saying is that the national average of about 40% of professing Christians who are getting divorced is no different than the 40-45% of non-Christians who are getting divorced and I promise you if I was a person who wanted to get married to the same sex I would pull that trump card right out of my back pocket and slam it down on the witness stand!
Christians are the NUMBER ONE reason for the decline in the view of marriage. Many Christians are getting married just as late as non-Christians, mostly due to the trend of pushing back adulthood and pursuing economical progress. Christians are getting divorced at the same rate, thus destroying the nucleus of the family, bringing hardship amongst the children they bear and setting the example for these children who will most likely respond the way they parents did in adversity. And not only that the church is doing very little (well sending people to see Fireproof may mean something but for me as an African American I didn’t identify much) to make any strides in this arena. Paul’s words in Ephesians 5 has had little personal effect on the “institution of marriage”.
A Church Full of Adulterers?
Let me ask a question. Which is worse? Homosexuality or Adultery? Why is it that we will remove and scorn the “homosexual” yet provide grace to the adulterer? I will tell you why. Because it would be very uncomfortable to remove people from our fellowship and risk losing people who are sympathetic towards their sin. Oh yes. Remarriage is a sin and not only that, it is a sin that we continue in if we continue in the “marriage”.
What I said may be hard to swallow but please don’t write me off if you have made it this far. Listen to the words of Jesus:
18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Now I didn’t say this Jesus did. We have no problem using Jesus’ words when they are comfortable but hard sayings like this are often glossed over. Again Jesus says “if you remarry or marry a divorced person you are in adultery”. I have come to the personal conclusion that a remarried person who was divorced from their spouse lives in perpetual adultery. I don’t believe Jesus ever recognizes that marriage. If so when does He start? At what point is the couple no longer committing adultery in their relationship? It seems like saying “sorry” but moving forward is not acceptable. To say sorry and then get married is open defiance and is no different than the Homosexual who gets married. The homosexual is doing for love right? Is there love any less than the person who is divorced (other than for marital unfaithfulness)? Just like a homosexual can’t romantically involve him or herself in a relationship with the same sex. Neither can the person who has been divorced against God’s revealed will.
The Salt Has Lost Its Saltiness/ A Light Has Been Covered With A Shade
We as the church have lost our right, downright forfeited our right to speak to others on the issue of marriage. Jesus says “take the log out of your own eye” and until the church gets serious about marriage and remarriage our ranting is worthless chatter. We have no legs to stand upon, our salt has no saltiness and our light has been dimmed. The judge who overturned Prop 8 is to be applauded for his honest assessment. Christians can not prove that gay marriage somehow effects the overall morality. The only point he missed is that the same standard Christians are superimposing on others they themselves do not subject themselves to. We have proven to be nothing more than a ban of hypocrites, yelling guilty while guilty ourselves.
Think about it. This Christmas how many kids will be effected by gay marriage? Even if it were legal in all states how many kids will be effected? It is estimated that less than 1% of the population would get married (don’t forget not all gays want to get married just like not all heterosexuals want to get married). Do you know how many families will be effected by heterosexual divorce though? Millions! This doesn’t include those who are “legally” separated or just plain separated.
Listen to me. Everytime a “pastor” marries a person who has been divorced unbiblically they attack and degrade the institution of marriage. Everytime a Christian walks out on his/her family they are attacking the institution of marriage. The church is the first line of defense on issues of marriage, yet they rather attack the nonbeliever than having judgment begin with the household of God. It is much easier to deflect the deplorable trend of divorces that is attacking our country. The church is worried about having to marry “gays” yet they don’t even prevent the marriages they do have control over. Pastor’s stand behind pulpits yelling insults and demonizing gays yet they bless adulterous relationships quite often. I saw all of the pastors signing the “Manhattan Declaration” yet other than a couple of brief mentions they say little on divorce, yet have huge paragraphs about promiscuity and homosexual marriage.
Either the church takes a stand or shut up! We can’t protect the “instituion” of marriage if we are not going to take a stand on divorce and remarriage. Lets take the log out of our eyes before we march alway to Capitol Hill to take the stick out of others.
Indeed.
does your stance also apply to one that is divorced and remarried before their salvation experience?
DJ,
1. Thanks for finally commeting dirtbag!!
2. No it doesn’t, the Gospel starts you over
^lol blockhead dude…i couldnt decide if i wanted to comment here or on FB..how does the Gospel start you over in this case?…Paul was a killer…he got saved and stopped killing…someone commits adultery by getting married after a divorce, gets saved, and stays in perpetual adultery?
I may have to disagree with you on this one my friend…So if one is remarried then you are saying they are living a life of sin and I would conclude per your statements living a sinners life. Thus I would conclude unregenerated.
I mat interpreting what you are saying wrongly…
should be may….
My thoughts as well Darryl…
Lionel,
Divorce was virtually unknown for the first 1,500 years of Christianity.
Because of Erasmus’ new interpretation of the Bible on divorce and remarriage (circa 1519), divorce has now flooded millions of American homes and Evangelical sanctuaries.
Here’s a good summary of Church history on divorce and remarriage:
http://www.lornematthews.com/articlespages/churchhist.html
How can Evangelicals criticize same-sex marriage when they’ve been turning a blind eye to divorce/remarriage/adultery for the past 40 years?
Many pastors are deeply implicated since Christian vows are “until death do us part,” but they “remarry” individuals, often, without question. Thus, these pastors condemn couples when they put a Christian “blessing” on the sin of adultery.
How can they celebrate adultery on one hand and denounce gay marriage on the other?
Yours in Christ,
Allan
DJ and Brian,
If a person is a hit man, and gets saved. Yet continues to be a hired hit man what would you say?
BTW,
Let me ask you both you guys both focused on the heterosexual marriage. What about homosexual marriage, is there any room at the cross for that?
That is what I am asking Allan. By the way How did you find the blog and I assume you hold the permanence view?
Good points. Lionel. I also believe Christ taught the permanence view, the response to His teaching by His disciples is telling: If thats the way it is, its better for a man not to marry!
They knew what He was saying.
My personal viewpoint is that not a lot of couples who are born from above are getting a divorce, obviously a lot of people who claim to be Christians are getting divorced, but to me that is a lot like the Barna research were like 90% of Americans say they are Christians…yeah right.
Like the Master taught, divorce under the Old Covenant was permitted due to peoples hard hearts.
Under the New Covenant those who are born from above have had their hearts of stone circumcised and those new creations have had Gods love poured into their hearts Romans 5:5.
No, when two people who say they are Christians exhibit hard hearts and get divorced it speaks volumes about what might never have taken place.
Christians couples on the other hand are one-flesh in Christ and they extend love, grace, mercy and forgiveness to each other as they are taught by the indwelling presence of the Spirit of Christ and express their new nature.
I do not know the actual number of people in America who are regenerate new creations in Christ, but I would guess its closer to single digits certainly anywhere near 80-90%.
The first century Church was counter-cultural, they were known for their commitment to non-violence, their impecable honesty and their love for one another. Like Allan said above divorce amongst Christians was virtually unknown.
And, like you so wonderfully pointed out in your post, they did not engage the sinful culture around them by political means, they lived a radically changed life before their sinful society and it was a natural rebuke and offense to that society and many paid dearly for being known as a follower of Christ, but being shut out of the trade-guilds making it hard for them to make a living and of course many paid with their lives securing for themselves a better resurrection.
I think it is much healthier for the church in America to understand that we live as a small minority of called out ones in a largely neo-pagan culture that although it pays lip service to Christ, it neither knows Him or follows His teachings.
Love ya brother, keep up the good discussion.
make that certainly not 80-90%.
Hutch,
In your group, what would you dudes do man? Jeff, Vetta and us when we were in our last group were apart of the divorce part. Church discipline was the outcome what do you think?
Lionel-
Are you asking me if a married couple already apart of our group started down the path towards divorce -or- are you asking me if a couple started attending were one of the two or both had a divorce in their path after professing Christ?
I want to be sure I’m answering the question you are asking as there are so many situations that exist among those who name the name of Christ.
dang! make that “in their past”.
Lionel,
What is your stance on a physically abusive marriage that gets worse even after seeking counsel?
Should they remain married?
Separate but remain married?
Or can they divorce without penalty?
Jon,
Number two
Hutch,
Thats exactly what I am asking and to add to that an engaged couple is coming into the group both being divorced and seeking remarriage.
I’ll start by saying that I would hope that we would handle all those situations radically different than I/we did when I was in the Institutional church, I “served” in the capacity of an “elder” in the unbiblical tradition in which most “elder led” IC’s understand that term. I’ve been intimately involved in situations involving what passes for “biblical church discipline”. What a nightmare, I’ve since repented but sometimes the faces of the people involved/victimized still haunt me.
The truth is that the way most local assemblies gather it is virtually impossible for the biblical and spiritual dynamics of these types of issues to play out properly as we do not really live in community with people loving each other, spending time with one another, bearing each others burden and living life together. The verses in the scriptures that present scenarios where the possibility of being excluded from fellowship is almost meaningless in what by and large passes for a local church. True intimacy among the brethren in its purest and holiest sense is critical for the thought of losing fellowship to mean anything.
This is what we are painstakingly trying to build in dependancy on Christ, its hard as we all have been deeply impacted by American culture and values that hinders sharing life in community.
Right now as far as I can tell all our married couples are doing very well and are stronga nd vital. Each marriede couple in our groups seems to be a Priscilla & Aquilla pursueing Christ. So, question number one a married couple who is already part of our group who begins to have marital problems and is talking divorce, we would love them, love them, love them, walk with them through tehir difficulties, pray with them, comiserate and identify with them and we would point the to dependancy on Christ and fall down before Him beseeching Him to help all of us to die to ourselves and allow HIm to fill us with His Spirit. I actually think the way that we meet, we will not get a lot of people if any who are not willing to share life with us, they will simply visit and move on, those who desire to learn with us how to be and gather as His Church I am very optimistic that as a family we will deal with these problems successfuly and that Christ will bring life, healing and restoration. But our approach will never be to discover how are we going to deal with these people, it will alwasy be how can we learn from this situation, and how can we deepen our dependancy on Christ and see Him conform us a little bit more into His image. I’m optimistic on how those situation will play out much better in the context of real intimate community.
I’ll comment later on how I would see us handling the situation if one or both desired to perservere in getting divorced and still wished to gather with us.
Then the other situation you mentioned.
if a hitman continues carrying out hits after getting saved, im going to look at him funny(and possibly call the cops,lol)…if we are going to be consistent here, you’d have to tell a newly saved divorced/remarried person that they have to leave their current spouse and go back to the old one to get out of the sin of perpetual adultery if you’re telling a newly saved killer has to stop killing…as far as homosexual marriage goes, i would say that a person has to come out of that marriage because Jesus made it clear that male/female marriage is the officially recognized marriage…
DJ,
He also said the same about adultery and He is the one who said if a person remarries another they are comitting adultery. The act of marriage itself isn’t adultery but everytime they have sex they are sleeping with another person. If we make provision for that at the cross why not homosexual marriage?
Lionel,
You stated:
“…that an engaged couple is coming into the group both being divorced and seeking remarriage.”
What if this is the case:
Both of them came out of a marriage in which both of their spouses were previously married to someone and had unlawfully (according God’s standard)divorced their former spouse. So by God’s standard they were not married but only committing adultery.
Would they now be able to marry since they both were not in real marriages?
Would it not be the same as someone who committed fornication before getting married?
Jon,
Great question.
1. Yes
2. Yes
Keep coming with the scenarios I think it helps expand the conversation. Can you think of others? How about this one. What if the spouse was left and the other spouse married another person. Is that spouse now free to marry another?
I first would want to know the reason why the other spouse left.
Was it was because of his/her unbelief in Christ that led him/her from the believing spouse?
If that is the case then the believing spouse should try to get the marriage settled with a legal divorce. Not because they initiated it but because obviously the unbelieving spouse desired it. Once it is settled legally, I would think the believing spouse would be free to remarry.
Lionel,
you still havent told me how the Gospel starts you over and exempts you from being in perpetual adultery in this case..
DJ,
I was only making a provision for the nonbeliever, I don’t have any scripture to back it up so I could be wrong. I am giving grace to the ignorant, much like I would a bank robber or a serial killer. But I am not sure. I personally believe two people who didn’t know something was wrong will be held responsible for that once that repent and move forward.
Lionel,
When browsing this topic, I located your site.
The deluge of divorce and remarriage is hurting many of my family and friends. Without a permanence view, how can one protect Christian marriage which is the earthly image of the everlasting marriage between Christ and His Church?
In Christ,
Allan
Allan,
I think I am starting to agree. I am going to post something about permanence practically then I am going to review a book by Jim Eliff and http://www.christfellowshipkc.org
I’ve copied and pasted what I posted on another website about this this morning. (Pretty much…)
As one who is wrestling with this issue, and as one who has learned to distrust my emotions when dealing with controversial issues that affect me, I am trying to sort out what the proper theological perspective is on this issue.
I have questions on this issue over which I struggle. First of all, what does repentence really look like in a remarriage situation? If I murder someone, I cannot bring them back from the dead; repentence must be restitution to the family, etc., (I would think) to reverse as much damage as possible. If I steal money from someone, for me to pray for the poor guy I stole from, and ask God to bless him, but not repent and return the money seems ludicrous. Repentence means reversing the situation. Is repentence here wearing a sign around my neck for the rest of my life, saying “unclean”? Is my constant testimony to the wrongness of my current lifestyle true repentence or is it trying to do partial works to cover what is inaction for someone in repentence?
I guess what I mean is I don’t see how saying “remarriage after divorce is adultery and so it is wrong” says anything to the world about the permanence of marriage or a picture of Christ and his church to a lost and dying world. Repenting of a marriage that is adulterous according to this view would seem to me to be severing the adulterous marriage and returning, if possible, to the first one. Or at least leaving the adulterous second marriage.
I guess the root question here is whether God blesses a marriage he did not ordain, or if He changed his mind about it after the fact – he was saying it was wrong before the couple went ahead and got into it, but now they did it anyway, all of a sudden God changes his mind and says “now it must stay together.”
I do see this with a believer marrying an unbeliever – Paul says don’t be unequally yoked. But I don’t see where we are commanded to take an unequally yoked marriage and undo it. And yet I do see instances in scripture where God did command the undoing of a marriage (for instance, God telling Abraham to dump Hagar – ouch.) And it seems that perhaps this is what God expects in the case of an adulterous marriage. If it is adultery, how does staying in it say anything more to the world than, “don’t do as I do – do as I say do.”?
I think I’m leaning past the “permanence” view toward the “undo it and wait for the first spouse to do the same to put it back together” crowd; at least, undo the second one. That looks to me like the only way to repent in a way that shows the reality of the love of Christ to a lost world…
My two cents worth.
But since I’ve not read Piper on this (or the other guys who teach this) I don’t understand how the proper thing is to stay in the second one, if the first one cannot be undone… That is my hard question….
If it is okay to divorce a covenant-spouse and marry someone else, then the Church had better get ready to accept homosexual ‘marriage’ and shut up about it! The Bible is not a buffet where you pick and choose what you will accept and what you will reject. Covenant-marriage is till death. Anyone who disagrees should say zilch when his son brings home a man, when his daughter ‘marries’ a woman or when his/her spouse abandons the marriage for one of the same sex! What goes around comes to astound!
When you enter a covenant marriage you become ‘one flesh’ with your God-witnessed spouse till death. If you go with anyone else,even after divorce, you embark upon the homosexual lifestyle because there are now three persons in bed. Remember that your living spouse still remains attached to you. So a person in an adulterous marriage is practising homosexuality anyway.
For a fuller explanation, write for a free copy of “The Days of Noah.” Send requests to: Sister Lydia 36, Third Street Barataria Trinidad Republic of Trinidad and Tobago, West Indies.
And by the way, my husband, a pastor, divorced me and married someone else. But like Jephthah, I have opened my mouth unto the LORD and I cannot go back. If he will not come with me into Heaven, I will not accompany him to Hell.
As a result, God took away our children, leaving me to face a bitter and lonesome old age.
You cannot tell God that someone else’s sin justifies your own!
So don’t dare accuse me of living the good life. Holiness trumps happiness any day. The joys of Heaven will make sex feel like a day at the dentist. God told me so!