Traditional Pastoral Ministry: The Making of a Codependent Relationship

Lionel Woods 12 comments ecclesiology, leadership

May 12

I want to discuss something that is near and dear to my heart. That is the role and goal of traditional pastoral ministry. I believe our current model is the direct opposite of what the scripture teaches. I will use Ephesians 4:11-16 as a basis. It reads…

11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (ESV)

So we see that Christ Himself has given us these gifts on His own accord for the equipping of the saints for the building up of the body until we mature and grow up into the Him. I want to focus on the maturity part, which seems to be goal so that entire body works together in line with the Head.

Traditional Pastoral Ministry and My Problem With It

I have written about this extensively in the past, but I have to say I am still perplexed by our current model. The end result of pastoral ministry is the equivalent of a horse having a carrot dangled in front of them in order to keep them moving. The carrot never gets eaten (unless the string is cut) and the horse is forever trying to satisfy his desire of the carrot while the owner gets what he wants, the horse is moving in the right direction.

In every church I know the pastor always own the stick and carrot and you will never ever get the carrot. Unless of course you kick the owner off of your back and go find your own carrot. It is one of the greatest pyramid schemes in history. They tell you that you can be as mature as they are, yet they will always be more mature than you. You actually pay them to keep them more “mature” than you. If you are lucky you may get recognized as a lesser among equals, but only if you are lucky and you get in early. Much like other pyramid schemes. You can get close to the top but you can never step into the capstone, unless you get out of the scheme and start your own.

You my friend can never provide care, counsel, mutual accountability, you can never teach, disciple or give insight or wisdom to your pastor. He will always be the most wise, smart and greatest among the body, well, because God has put Him there right? Wrong! In Ephesians there seems to be the goal of maturity. These gifts were given to the body in order for maturity and when I look at 1 Timothy and Titus it seems that maturity is the mark of leadership in the body of Christ, yet you are artificially held back by some logistical hogwash.

For example, I have seen in bylaws that only a fixed amount of elders are needed with the Senior pastor being the ultimate authority. If we have 1o0 qualified men then 100 men should be elders (I throw women in there but that is a different discussion altogether). So you are kept at bay because of logistics over and above what scripture says. Not to mention our churches grow upwards not outwards so unless one of the older guys die you can never be an elder. How does that work exactly?

Listen the goal is maturity, that maturity has to be defined as the ability for us to pursue a mutual relationship which leads to my next and final point.

The Goal of a Family is to Produce Mature Adults

The fundamental goal of a family is to take children, instill in them values, help them mature so that they will become full functioning, productive ADULTS. Now I don’t know about your family; however, my goal as a father is to raise my son, equip him for adulthood then release him in hopes that we would one day be PEERS. Once my son has proven that he is an adult (which for the most part is a direct reflection of my parenting) then we are no longer father/child. We are father/adult child and the entire dynamic of our relationship shifts to something wholly different. My son is no longer dependent on me for decision making, he can actually help me make better decisions. He is no longer dependent on me for his welfare, he can actually contribute to the family name. He no longer looks at me to tell him what is right and wrong, he actually contributes to the shaping of my value and morals. This is my goal from the onset. Every parent has a clear goal. Raise a child to be an adult.

However, in the church it is the exact opposite. We purposely cut the legs off of members, by making this perpetual pastor model the standard and most of the children of the faith will never become adults. And even if they are granted some adult privileges, they can never contribute to the family the way the “father/senior pastor” does, because he will always be the ultimate authority. But if I read Ephesians the way I do, I see this relationship is only a bridge to a greater and more fulfilling relationship. Once a person is mature enough to acknowledge Christ is the head then I no longer function as this persons parent/superior we actually become peers. So the codedency is eradicated by the person personally walking with Christ. He/She no longer needs me to guide them, we need each other to guide one another.

Again this NEVER happens in traditional pastoral ministry. The minister is professionaly trained, professional paid and professional staffed to prevent this from every transpiring and I believe it is to the detriment of the body. People are as about as codependent as a vantriliquest act. They both need each other or the show can’t go on. In traditional pastoral ministy, the show goes on every sunday and we entrench it by making it the “biblical” model. I disagree with such a model and hope that you begin to question it.

12 comments

Hutch / May 12, 2010

Amen. I thought I could go back and pursue Christ in the Institution after all that I learned about following Christ in community, but I was wrong as evidenced by the e-mail I just sent you.
Lionel Woods / May 12, 2010

Man I tried
Gabriel / May 12, 2010

Feel you on where you’re coming from, Bruh. On that specific analogy OF FAMILY, I think its sad that many have forgotten to see church as family

If I may say, though…

Even in fellowships where there is not “officially” the status of someone as a “senior pastor”/perpetuating the model of leadership you’re critiquing, I think that it is interesting to see how some wanting to be in a more family like atmosphere can have it a bit skewed as well.

Church is to be a family, indeed—though what often happens for many groups is that they go against a “traditional model of pastoring” and what you end up with is something akin to a dysfunctional family…if not a Broken One.

For in many families saying they want their children to grow up–its often the case that people will use their rank/experience in the family as an effective means of silencing others but then making it seem as if there’s no need for suspicion. You’ve probably heard (I hope) of situations where younger siblings complain about being “short-changed” by older siblings/parents in the family—-only to have suspected members claim “I’m not TRYING to be the boss of her…of course, you’re grown up/must make your own decisions.” and yet ignore how often they may guilt-trip others into being persuaded by/giving in to their viewpoints, whether that be through appealing to how much they did for them growing up/creating a mindset that its “owed” them to be submitted to….or choosing to appeal to other members of the immediate/extended family in presenting their spin of a conflict so that a younger member effectively has no support and will not be taken seriously—seeing that the older members have more “rep”/credibility in the family and the persuasion of others on their side.

A practical example is what happens when the parents are too elderly to take care of themselves—and those that were trained/raised up to take care of the elders are not all in competition with each other to find out what the best solution is for Grandma. One person will always feel they’re doing more and are more qualified—or that other are a bit inferior, though they’ll never say it. Another practical example is when parents say they’ve “let their children grow up” and yet the mother is constantly calling her son…and alerting him to how much she dislikes his wife…or the parents are giving gifts/support to a newly-wed family when they may be struggling—even if the newly-wed family did not ask for it—and then bringing up issue of being “ungrateful” when the newlyweds do not take their advice on an certain issue, or choose to raise their family different from how they were raised. All of it is the makings of dysfunctional families..

Likewise, I think its interesting to see how this has often played out in organizations I’ve been in where others may say “We all need to be equals—-and there should be no senior pastor”…and yet, there’s a specific person in the group that has more influence or authorithy in the group than others. I saw this often in one area that shocked me. For if feeling challenged by another who may be as compentent as them, they may seek to appeal to them—but if the person respectfully turns down the opportunity to be “mentored” by them, then there’s the appearance of one being cool and yet they still undermine others’ attempt to grow in subtle ways. If you have a differing methodology—or way of learning—that is not in line with the way more established members in a group prefer, they may not come out/say it…but they may do non-verbal body language by not being as enthusiastic in supporting you as it is with previous ones. They may even begin to talk to you less/shun you—-almost as if its covertly trying to gradually get others back into a “dummy/ventriqulist” relationship.

Some will acknowledge verbally when someone is demonstrating an exceptional ability to teach/train—and then say how they are now mature/needing to be given room to grow. However, they may do things like staying in a group where another teacher is given room to teach as they used to….and try to still be the main one teaching, giving the impression that the former teacher should still be listend to. This can be seen in things such as an elder seeing another couple made elders in a group of young believers—and taking up the position THEY used to be in–but then constantly coming back into the group/”stealing the show” by not really letting the other teach. The relationship they may have already established with others before another elder comes up is used to their advantage quietly—without either the new elder or the person being taught seeing it fully…

The same thing goes for situations where certain members get more privelage due to how their social class is valued more so—with them being known for being some of the main ones who fund/give to the group financially….and therefore, their vote counts higher in debate/discussion than someone who’s essentially fresh–Similar to what happened in James 2:1-20 when others were being neglected in the group. If one’s more “educated”, they’re the ones who are effectively listened to more so than another.

One quickly realizes that when others say “We’re ALL to be Equals”, what was really happening was that they are really speaking a good vernacular thatis enough to appeal/get one into the group——only to find have it practiced that you’re “Equals” as long as you ALL are in EQUAL IN THOUGHT/AGREEMENT with the group…that you’re able to care for others/encourage others as long as its in the SAME way as they are used to it. ..and even if its not spoken, you’ll never really be treated the same, just as it is with many in fellowships claiming they all love one another and yet those from differing cultures/social classes don’t take the issues of others similar. For other terminology for what I have in mind, one can look up the following:

- Communal reinforcement

-Group Think

-Old money

-High culture

- elite aristocratic class, privileged by birth and wealth.

-

-Social stratification

When I came into smaller fellowships/saw some of the things noted, I was shocked—and highly frustrated…and very ticked off to see some of the same people railing against “the senior pastor being always ahead” seemed to have issue whenever they were challenged in a group…or not listened to.
Gabriel / May 12, 2010

Brother Lionel,

One of the ministries I frequent had an article on the issue that I think was very relevant…and something that may bless you (as what you’re discussing is the cry of many young adults today who want REAL connection). As said there in their article Discipleship and Liberating Leadership:

Brother Lionel,

Maturity. I have heard some of this theme woven in the tapestry of our conversations recently. From the Ephesians 4 passage that we all talked about in “equipping the saints” where it ends with a flourish and encouragement toward maturity to Steve Schenk’s admonition that we make room for failure as a positive, learning (and really) necessary experience in discipleship; like some sort of sacrament of failure, to which we respond in community with encouragement toward maturity. It’s a journey. As Steve Schenk also reminded us, and Dallas Willard said recently echoed: we are victims of models and expectations for what “success” looks like, and we need to re-assess our spiritual maturity and our vision for what ‘success’ looks like.

I think at times – out of our own insecurity – we teach our children these trite, easy answers…instead of inviting them into the Mystery as partners in it, partakers of the divine so-to-speak, and explorers together. Perhaps we seek to give them security (as well as cobble together some for ourselves), when the security they (and we) truly want/need to embrace is beauty and tension, hope and mystery, suffering and love…not pat and shallow answers. Easy and shallow answers are a wide road that does not lead to maturity. And I know we do struggle and wrestle with the Mystery…as I heard John Wimber used to say, ‘never trust a man without a limp’…and I limp just like Jacob from wrestling with the Mystery that is our Living God. For myself and my life of discerning discipleship, I guess it’s the contentment with cheap and shallow answers that gnaws at my bones through the night and has me wrestling with the angel until dawn. But there again, our settling for those answers is possibly a symptom of a distracted life of insecurity. We think by being busier, that maturity happens. But alas, can we admit that for all our busy-ness, we are not seeing the fruit of maturity? In fact, our insecurities just grip us tighter.

I think we need to wrestle with the fact that a leader is capable of the power to project either shadow or light upon our world and upon the people dwelling in it. In this way, a leader shapes the “essence” of how people live…an “essence” as light as heaven or as dark as hell. A mature leader seeks to have a higher awareness of the interplay of inner shadow and light, so as to cast more light than shadow, so as to empower more good than evil.

Too long have we dwelt in the immature and dangerous delusion that our leadership is OK if based in ”good intentions” and that makes our power benign; Jesus always called out the leaders for “good intentions” without following through to “good actions” that liberate instead of bound people, themselves included. But to grapple with this Jesus-centric “calling out of leadership” is to join the journey toward maturity.

If we as leaders are to cast light and not shadow, we need to embrace the gift of discernment and seek to understand the shadows that populate our hearts in order to bring them to Light and experience the transformation of on-going maturity:

Insecurity. Many leaders are insecure (OK, maybe all of us are!). We become insecure possibly because we don’t think we know enough, aren’t expert enough, aren’t “insert-your-own-insecurity” enough. When leaders aren’t secure in their own identities rooted in Christ, we can often foster an environment that deprives others people of their identities, as we are busy supporting our own insecure place and identity. We need to heed the sacred call to embrace the gift of being ourselves. I keep coming back to the fact that I need to embrace the gift of myself. God wants me to be me, I can’t be Moses or David or Wimber, I need to be myself; the ironic thing comes forth at this point: the more I can be myself in Christ, the more I can be real and present to other people and even in embracing who I am, there will be a family resemblance because of Jesus living through me. But I can’t be divided…I can’t be two people. Again, as I mentioned before: there is a cruciform-shaped authenticity at the core of servant leadership. Walking with authenticity is walking with a limp.

Pride. Another shadow common among leaders is the pride of “functional atheism”, which amounts to the deep-seated belief that we are responsible for everything and it all comes down to “me.” This sort of pathology “wishes” God might show up, but “acts” in a manner that never expects much from God, but expects almost everything from me. This kind of pathology leads to depression, burnout and can carry us close to “losing our religion”. It is very difficult to lead people so that they follow Someone Else. Full disclosure: Most of the anxiety in my life is focused on “outcome”, and I forget scripture clearly states that the “outcome” is God’s responsibility, and my responsibility is just to be obedient (even if that makes me look like a fool for Christ), as Mother Teresa used to pray: “I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.”

Fear. Related and underlying the first two is fear or perhaps reactions to fear. One primary reaction of leaders to fear is taking control. In this way, we have over the years tangled and bundled power, authority and control. I think it is time we together enjoined the task of unweaving these baselines of leadership. We can see clearly that most of Jesus’ meetings (in which He was clearly the leader) we a mess…messy human need, fear, insecurity, pride, and everything that comes with those. Unfortunately, we leaders try to organize and manipulate and eliminate the mess. But what we might find ourselves doing is organizing the work of God right out of our meetings, and we find ourselves creating an oppressive environment rather than a liberating and empowering environment. The insight of scripture is that almost always messiness is a precondition for creativity. We witness this in Genesis where there was formlessness and void and darkness…as the Spirit was brooding, then life itself emerges from the mess. There is a precarious balance between spirit and structure that creates the condition for life to emerge and thrive. But in order to embrace this good tension of structure and freedom, leaders must through fear, be discerning, and embrace courage. As US President Roosevelt once said: “The only thing we have to fear if Fear Itself.”

The road toward maturity is a road travelled in fellowship. We need to remember that throughout history people matured and “grew in Christ” primarily through relational and communal engagement. This engagement engenders trust and deep relationship that forms us on the way. There is a deep sense that this is about living your life out-loud…walking with your limp, in public. In this journey, we hope to live and lead not out of the insecurities and pride and fear that populates our hearts, but in the midst of our transforming heart that empowers trust and hope and faithfulness. We want to move toward a grace-filled place of possibility rooted in Christ and away from outcome-based anxiety, while we all work out our faithfulness and trust issues in fear and trembling. This is my earnest hope that was stirred again when John Mumford mentioned it. My hope and prayer for all of us is that we move toward maturity and integration, even if, at-present in this now-and-not-yet age, it remains a hidden wholeness in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Rod / May 12, 2010

Lionel,

Spot on. I can’t help but wonder, though, if some prefer the traditional pastoral model precisely because they believe it alleviates them of the responsibility of maturing into Christ. That is, it’s easier to pay someone to be a super-Christian in your stead than it is to become an adult yourself.
Lionel Woods / May 12, 2010

Rod,

I think it is that coupled with the fact they have been taught from an early age this is the way it should be.
Jon Paden / May 12, 2010

Lionel,

I agree with your argument that all should grow to manhood in Christ. I don’t believe that any of us will come to complete maturity in this present age but in the age to come we shall be as Christ is. We must remember that God still gets His glory through these and other broken man made institutions or schemes. I now realize that God uses traditional churches and many other ways to ultimately draw and mold His children into the image of Christ. All are at different levels of maturity. Some (in this present age) will never have the mental capacity to understand as others. Many of us have set ourselves back by being to mindful of the things of this earth (family, job, satisfying pleasures, etc.) to grow up as we should but God is patience, kind, and merciful to us and works with us inspite of our weaknesses. PRAISE GOD!!!

Traditional churches have helped to lead many of us to maturity. So even though we can look back on how foolish we used to be, we still can see the Spirit of God working in our lives to increase us in the knowledge of Him and His son Jesus.
Lionel Woods / May 12, 2010

Jon,

God worked when Abraham lied about Sarah, that is a testament to God’s grace and Christ’s promise to build His church, not something that should remain unchallenged. I also never used the word “foolishness” in speaking of traditional church or even traditional pastoral ministry. I just think it is wrong. I don’t typically care either way about “traditional church” however.
Jon Paden / May 12, 2010

Lionel,

You stated:

” I also never used the word “foolishness” in speaking of traditional church or even traditional pastoral ministry.”

My response:
I was only stating what many would regard as foolishness in their lives after receiving greater understanding on things. Just like how some used to believe that they were required by God to pay 10% of their net or gross income or esle we were cursed by God. Now that we have greater understanding on these things we can look back and see how this belief and teaching was foolishness.

I don’t disagree that it should remain unchallenged, but we must be careful in our assessment of the role that traditional churches play in God’s plan for our development.
Lionel Woods / May 12, 2010

God used a donkey in His plan, but only when the prophet was ignored
brian foulks / July 13, 2010

Lionel,
What is the answer to correct the error?
Lionel Woods / July 16, 2010

Brian,

Sorry I didn’t call you back man, can you text me your number, been busy brother.

To answer your question some type of “system” that functions as a family. As my children mature more, they have more of a voice, they speak more up into the point where they will be recognized as full fucntioning adults, now the difference is that they go off instead of stay under one roof. The role of pastor/nonpastor or better yet the line of such distinctions should fade as a person matures. So for example I no longer function as your leader but as your peer, the current model of cemented unmovable leadership pastor/nonpastor roles are counterproductive to me.