Divorce and the Gospel
Jan 28
My good brother Hutch brought out some reflection in me on his comment on another post. Here is a dialogue he had with someone:
I once confronted a “Christian” couple who were getting a divorce with this: Have you ever considered being Christlike and forgiving your spouse? But you don’t know what they have done! What about not being a unmerciful servant and forgiving the smaller debt of your spouse in light of the insurmountable debt you had cancelled in Christ on your behalf? But you just do not know Mike! How about expressing your new nature in Christ? What about the love of God poured into your heart through the Holy Spirit that was given to us? What about the new heart? What about the circumcised heart? What about love, joy patience, goodness, gentleness…etc.
Why is your supposedly circumcised heart so hard?
Why can you not forgive and allow Christ to do a miracle in your life/marriage?
Why won’t you die to yourself?
You can’t express the nature of Christ towards your spouse?
Hmmmmmm. I’d be fearful…be afraid, very afraid. Something is horribly wrong.
Why is the Holy Spirit not bringing conviction into your heart?
Those are really good questions. So the question is why? Why to all of these. Why is divorce so prevalent in our culture. We have more marriage ministries, marriage conferences, marriage parachurch ministries, women ministries, men ministries, divorce care, Christian counselors and for some reason divorce isn’t going down AT ALL! It is actually rising by all statistics. Why is that? I have a very good idea.
We don’t believe the Gospel. Thats it. Our churches are packed full of people who do not believe the Gospel. They may affirm its fact, and may even enjoy what it does for them in its proclamation but they don’t believe it. Because if so it will begin to effect our actions. That is why divorce is so high. There are numerous books and now even box office topping movies on the subject of marriage, yet in spite of that we know people right now who refuse to be reconciled.
You see the Gospel calls us to lay down our lives for others, regardless of the consequences and in spite of reciprocity. Now we can’t stop someone from divorcing us, and I know many who were the victims; however, in most divorces there is a mutuality, neither party is getting their way and because of that there are “irreconcilable differences”. As Hutch asked, you can’t die to yourself? You can’t sacrificially love others, you can’t forgive? You can’t look out for the interests of others? If you can’t do that a home, you definitely can’t do that in the church. Right?
Where is the heart of a servant in that? Where is the obedience to Jesus who says “love your enemies”? Where is the obedience to Paul who says “be like-minded, united, on one accord”, or “have this mind in you which was in Christ Jesus”. What about the instructions in Col 3:11-17? Where Paul says “loving one another, and forgiving one another, bearing with one another”? Or “put on love the perfect bind of unity”? What about Ephesians 4:31-32 “forgiving one another AS Christ has forgiven you”? What about Romans 12:9-21, “outdo one another in showing honor”? What about 1 Peter 1:22 or 1 Peter 4:8? How about 1 John 4:7-12?
You see if we aren’t doing any of these things at home, we can’t do them in the church and if we can’t do them in the church (meaning refuse) then whats the purpose. We don’t want to obey God, we want what we can get out of God. The Gospel is rooted in love, patience and kindness and if we can’t put that fruit on display in our own homes, we can’t do it anywhere else!
The Gospel is the reason we are committed to one another in love. Not the kids, they will leave one day, not the finances because we will be free one day, our friends and families, because they may forsake us. However, Christ will do neither and if He isn’t the glue of a marriage, it will most likely dissolve when the storms of life come crashing. We stick it out because He calls us to permanence and love so that we might be a reflection of His light in a dark and dead world. Will you obey?
Just for clarification, the above dialogue occured after many months of prayer with, listening to, pleading with and reasoning with this dear brother and sister from the scriptures, the process involved a handful of people who truly care about and love these individuals.
I really do not employ a Blitzkrieg approach to biblical counseling! Grin.
I know Hutch, I know
This should only really could occur in the midst of loving relationships.
Lionel,
Lionel,
Good thoughts.
The principles reflected in the dialogue need to be adhered to in all of the dealings a congregation, or an individual, has with one who has sinned or offended in any way.
Yes Sir and just as importantly Mr. John, if we refuse to do this at home, why would we do in the church? We are only wearing masks in one of the two places.
Perhaps it’s just me……….but the problem seems to one that can be simplified in the terms of having a “getting” mindset before/after marriage rather than a giving one……………..with both people experiencing the fruit of wanting to have their own way—thus, continually going in opposite directions/clashing because their foundation was based on what’s in it for me. If both sides focused on how they could give to each other/bring out Christ in them, with it being established that they may not get something back in return–then perhaps ther’d be far less divorces in the land, with fewer saying it was inevitable…
Then again, as one of my mentors said, “We don’t have a Divorce Problem–We have a Dating Problem…” and this is true, IMHO, because the foundation people had when establishing relationships was based on “I’m in it as long as there’s no conflict—but the moment that arises and I don’t like you anymore, I’m out…”
Excellent post.
I agree with both of those Gabriel
Good points Gabriel. I like to say that by the time most folks get married in our popular culture (when folks get married is a whole other issue-grin in my opinion many are waiting way too long) they have engaged in what I call many practice divorces thus aclimating themselves to the idea and practice of emotionally and or physically cennecting with a person and then tearing that apart during what is called dating.
Lionel
Seems to me, most folks don’t get married because they’re in “Love.”
Seems most folks get married because they’re in “Want.”
“Want” kids. “Want” a family. “Want” companionship.
“Want” intimacy. “Want” their back rubbed.
“Want” to be wanted and accepted.
“Want” to be appreciated and respected.
“Want” to be “loved” by someone. Anyone.
And we look for love in all the wrong places. Yes?
We look to “man” for only what Jesus can provide.
Most don’t “love” themselves. How can they “love” others?
When they don’t get what they “want.”
they get divorced.
The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall NOT “Want.”
If you “Want”
Is the Lord your shepherd?
Lionel
Seems to me, most folks don’t get married because they’re in “Love.”
Seems most folks get married because they’re in “Want.”
“Want” kids. “Want” a family. “Want” companionship.
“Want” intimacy. “Want” their back rubbed.
“Want” to be wanted and accepted.
“Want” to be appreciated and respected.
“Want” to be “loved” by someone. Anyone.
And we look for love in all the wrong places.
We look to “man” for only what Jesus can provide.
Most don’t “love” themselves. How can they “love” others?
When they don’t get what they “want.”
they get divorced.
The Lord is my shepherd.
I shall NOT “Want.”
If you “Want”
Is the Lord your shepherd?
I agree A Love!
Really great post Lionel!
Gospel Love, Marriage and Divorce – Legacies of the Divine Romance
I’ve been continuing to research many online blogs and posts, gathering much of the “front line” understanding and thoughts on marriage and divorce. Having recently written a book with a very Gospel centered emphasis on the subjects, I’m always drawn to others who are, likewise, seeking a very Gospel centered approach.
I appreciate many of your thoughts and perspectives put forth in this post. At the end of the day, the closer we all get to a Gospel understanding of the heart of God, the better we all are: happier, God more glorified and an onlooking world reached to!
Blessings,
Randi