Spiritual Claustrophobia: How Autonomy Impedes Love
Dec 02
2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Paul says this in the midst of helping other Christians who have been trapped by sin. Paul tells us to “bear their burden”. He then moves into another verb “fulfill”. We are to fulfill Christ’s Law, which is “love”. However, many of us have such a impede others from every loving us.
I call this “spiritual claustrophobia” and it is a real phobia. Since America is a “christian” nation (the religion not the Gospel) we have been inundated with christianity. Everyone you meet is a christian and many of us have been hurt. Couple that with the fact that 99% of have been taught that Christianity is personal versus corporate (the island Christianity myth) then what we have is what we see today.
Today, many people gather with other Christians with no intentions of knowing nor being known. Letting people into “our” business is a big no-no in America, thus we start off eroding what Christ accomplished when He brought us into fellowship with Himself. That is the eroding of the “fellowship” which He created between us (Christians). Many of us have been burned, rather that is from legalistic believers or messy believers. The former attempts to enforce holiness and rules with not context of relationship. The latter shares information or uses information against you instead of using information to love you. That has eroded the trust factor and we end up saying “I love the Lord/Church, but I can’t trust people” and this prevents others from ever getting past the shallowness that dominates American Christianity.
When we think of the word church in America we think of a building, organization, a pastor, a name…. the words: family, love, intimacy, caring and bearing one another’s burdens never crosses most Christians mind. This is often time perpetuated by leaders also. I wrote a post about a year ago called How Pastor’s Perpetuate the Weekly Masquerade and What They Can Do To Change It and I think it should be revisited again.
Alan Knox posted something called “Mutual Sanctification? yep.” I think that will also add to the discussion. Our goal of meeting together is to be transformed to Christ’s image. He has given us one another (gifts, wisdom, experience..) to help us along in this transforming process. We can’t allow the phobia of closeness to cripple us and prevent us from true fellowship. That is why Paul talks about bearing with and forgiving and being patient with one another in Colossians 3:12-17. Fellowship is not an option and loving and allowing others to love us (which includes bearing with) is a command. We need to get over our spiritual claustrophobia if we are to be what Christ has called us to be.
My name is Javetta. And I have spiritual claustrophobia.
How should we handle other Christians rejection to “bearing with?” How should we go about building relationships with them? Should we open ourselves up to Christians who don’t want to open themselves up to us? Should we still open ourselves up to Christians if we have been hurt by them before?
Vetta,
What do you think?
As far as I can tell, our response to other people (as in “bearing their burdens”) should not be predicated on what they do for us (as in “bearing our burdens”). To be honest, I’m not very good at this.
-Alan
I agree with you, Alan. Our responses shouldn’t be a tit for tat thing. But how do you deal with flat out rejection?
Lionel-
These are my honest answers. I am not joking (hence why I asked the questions on the blog because I think these are wrong)
1. Leave them alone. You can’t force anybody to do anything.
2. You shouldn’t. You can only go as deep as the other person allows.
3. Absolutely not
4. Absolutely, positively not…unless it’s your spouse.
As a Christian rapper past; Yes, a Christian rapper. I saw that there was a lot of this during my travels to different ministries. I was plagued with ritual after ritual and became suffocated by all of it. When I finally got fed up to the point of personal disgust, I jumped ship on all that was before hand taught. As one of my last few projects, I began to realize that the songs were progressing into something, but the messages seemed to be primarily talking about my own progress in Christ and how I was responding to my environment.
One verse in a song I wrote said “it’s not about what they do, but about what you do”. This signified to me that it is our reaction to everything outwardly that details our inward conversion. If we are His, we should almost always respond as such. I had to leave room for error. His kind of love is the most assured mark of a believer in Christ our Lord.
Larry you said:
““it’s not about what they do, but about what you do””
I agree and am starting to learn this even as I type brother. I don’t know how to get past that, or around that or under it, so I am going to need the Spirit to get me through it. The road to Calvary and subsequent curcifixion was excrutiating and then Jesus turns to me and says “pick up your cross and follow me”. This one act of love is not to be practiced by all of His discples including me.
That should read “is now to be practiced by all of His disciples including me”.
I agree. We all need prayer and encouragement to pick our crosses more and to follow Christ. We need to follow Him into the reality of this Christian walk which looks so much different in terms of what we should do daily.
I am a listener of Pastor John Piper from Desiring God Ministries and I like the way he puts it “God should be our deepest and most assured affection” and “God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him”.
I so much believe this that I have been asking Him to grant me the grace to love Him like this, and also that I am able to love others like this through Him. My selfishness prevents me from this. My pride prevents me from this. My desires prevent me from this. Pray with and for me that by His grace that I will love like Christ and become less self absorbed and more body of Christ, more fatherless, more widows, more lost sinners, and more Christ-centered in all that I do.
I will do the same for me Larry. How is the family by the way?
Great post Lionel.
Hi V! – In response to your questions-
How should we handle other Christians rejection to “bearing with?” – Sometimes we have to be the example. It could be a foreign concept to them (like it used to be for me). I think when others feel safe and secure, and come to trust you, this will be easier to do. Also, pray for them.
How should we go about building relationships with them? One step at a time, find common interests and build from there and over time. Give them them the opportunity to learn about you and your character.
Should we open ourselves up to Christians who don’t want to open themselves up to us? I believe we should definitely use wisdom in this, and what we reveal to these specific individuals, but I believe so. It helps others to know that we’re genuine and then they may feel more comfortable reciprocating.
Should we still open ourselves up to Christians if we have been hurt by them before? I think so. This could be a process but I’ve been hurt by the actions and/or words of others on numerous occasions. I’m sure I’ve hurt others as well. I forgive them (sometimes through much prayer) and pray that others have forgiven me. It may not be a next-day type of thing where I feel comfortable sharing again. It may be a few weeks or months but if you know that a person is genuinely concerned, loving, caring, etc. then I think we should. I used to be the type where if a person made 1 mistake, they would get the boot from my life. It’s been a process to get from that point to where I am now but now I forgive and continue the relationship as if nothing happened.
What do you think about that?
I wonder many times if the people could handle what others would share. I think this would alleviate many of the sins that happen amongst the body if there was an atmosphere of love that was permeated. I often see be ridiculed in the body of Christ for a sin that many others are committing but never say. This is where I think the organic/ house setting trumps the IC in this regards. There is a high focal point placed upon relationship. If we could effectively carry out Hebrews 13:1, what an impact we could have on the body of Christ in its totality.
BF,
I actually have a post coming about your IC comment
should be fun
Ash,
Thanks for kind words.
Next your response to Vetta is scary. And I will talk about that in my next post coming soon.
Lionel, I’m not quite sure what to make of your comment.
Scary-good – like I’m thinking along the same lines?
Or
Scary-bad – like you’re way off base here?
Or
Scary-something else?
@ Ash, good. Risky! But Christ Centered
Heeeeeeeeeeey Ash!
Those were some great answers, and as many who know me know: I am a recovering cynic and it doesn’t help that it seems like every time I start trying to do the community thing I end up getting hurt…repeatedly! So, more often than not, I feel like, “What’s the use of me opening myself to people if I’m going to keep getting hurt???” But I think the key is to use WISDOM just like you said. I think that’s the element that’s been missing….I think…
Ash-
Well said. We should always keep our “natural” actions, thoughts and inclinations in mind before we pursue a course of action, what we would do normaly and naturally in and of ourselves is almost always not Christ like. Being Christlike is almost always the opposite of what our flesh wants to do.
Is your approach risky? Sure, it could also expose us to painful experiences, just like it does not seem normal, natural or reasonable that The Kinmg of Glory should suffer and die at the hands of sinners in order to redeem a people for himself.
Victory in the Christian life is through the grave and death always precedes resurrection.
This is not an indictment on Javetta, this is an indictment on how I think much of the time as well.
Do we want to do what the world does in reponse to how people treta us and justify it or do we really want to be Christlike?
Lionel,
The family is good. We still look to fellowship with strong God-fearing believers in the area, but for the time my wife has slipped back into her fathers church. That place is a death trap right now and I am praying that God give her the grace to see it. I am also praying that God give me the grace to know how to intercede in that situation as it continues to unfold. I pray that God allow me greater wisdom about His love. I am praying for more godly humility and more accurate responses to things we know and see.