Fear of Commitment
Oct 15
The picture above is very funny. I giggled when I found it. How true is that? I have met hundreds of people who have been in long-term non-committed relationships. “Commitment is only for the serious, and right now we just aren’t there”. Or I have heard “once you commit that’s it”. Or “I have been hurt before so committing is tough, I just want to have a relationship with no strings attached”. Many of you have heard it. Many of you have family members who live together, have sexual intercourse, raise children together and even buy homes together, but many have not taken the next step of “commitment”. We usually find that puzzling, flaky and downright wrong. But…………………
How many of us have these type of relationships with believers? Paul calls us the family of God, the temple of God, the Body of Christ and whenever someone harms or blesses a Christian Jesus says “you have done this to me”. The New Testament does not separate Christians from Christ nor Christians from each other. We are one unit, one body, one family, indwelled by one Spirit, possessing one Father and one Husband, yet many of us are not committed.
Now I know many people who are committed to their denomination, their theological persuasion, their church building and ideology and some are even committed to certain doctrinal positions. But that is NEVER the commitment Jesus asks of us nor the Apostles talk about. The commitment in the scriptures makes Jesus say this:
31 And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him. 32 And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you.” 33 And he answered them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” 34 And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 35 For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother.”
The next commitment through the work of the Spirit says this:
32 Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. 33 And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. 34 There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold 35 and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. 36 Thus Joseph, who was also called by the apostles Barnabas (which means son of encouragement), a Levite, a native of Cyprus, 37 sold a field that belonged to him and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.
In the latter passage, I have heard preachers and commentators say “this is a description not a prescription”. As I read this more in line with the Epistles, my answer is the exact opposite. As a matter of fact I believe these men right this to avoid this type of commitment. It is funny because the Anabaptist took this passage very seriously, they often made this a standard of true biblical obedience and through the years they have been deemed fanatics for such a position. I am beginning to believe it is our own selfish Western ways that causes us to want this to be a description, but I believe the Spirit has something else totally in mind.
Look, here is the truth, if we want to be “relevant” Christians then our relevancy best align itself with the standard. That standard is Christ and as we look back at the church with all of its cultural influences we must find where our culture doesn’t allow us to live as they lived and begin to forfeit that culture. We often laugh at the Amish or the Quakers or the Mennonites or the other decedents of the Anabaptist, but whats so funny is that they more properly reflect the scriptures with all of their quirkiness. They model what Jesus said in Mark 3, they model what the scriptures highlights in Acts 4, they actually live out community in a way that is foreign to us and our Christianity looks more like Constatinites that birthed Roman Catholicism that birthed the Reformation that birthed Theocratic Puritanicalism, than it ever reflects the heart of the “heretics” who were for the most part (with some crazies sprinkled in) doing their best to obey Jesus in every area of their lives.
Lionel Woods is not doing this. I admit that I have this utter fear of commitment and what it would entail for my life. I like my life and I know Jesus said “whoever gains his life we lose”. I want to lose my life but am afraid to look quirky. I like trying to be cool, I like my individuality, my rights, my privacy, my own decision making, my personal bible study, and I don’t want to surrender that. I like pursing the corner office, living the American dream but I also love Jesus and this Jesus seems to be tugging me in a direction that I am afraid to go. What will family think, what will my friends think, I realized it more than ever that the opinions of others are important. I mock others because of their status seeking but I am not fully ready to abandon mine either. I give a false image that I am. Yeah I may be a bit more committed than others, but the commitment in scripture is much different. The undeniable attractability of the early believers baffle me, but this is because the words of Jesus and the commitment to His words were very serious. I want a personal holiness but they looked for a corporate one. I like a individual hermeneutic, but they pursued a community hermeneutic, they held everything with loose hands but I got a four fingers on one hand closed and five on the other. They valued their lives, goods and time on a Heavenly Value System, they really understood that Jesus could and would even possibly return tomorrow and they lived like it, in face of unprecedented persecution.
This is a personal journal that I wanted to share. I am not pointing fingers at anyone but myself, I thought that I was finally arriving but through the study of scripture have come to realize that I only have one toe across the starting line. Americanism has penetrated my souls to an unmeasurable depth. I value this worlds opinion much more than I do my permanent residency’s. I have come to realize that this is very important to me, yet Jesus says “moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal” it. I love my Lord yet I love this value system and Jesus says “a man cannot serve two masters”. I think I am approaching a fork in the road in my walk and I don’t want to find myself being included in the number of who Jesus says “the cares and concerns of this world choked him out”. Or “he put his hand to the plow but turned back”. I admit Jesus’ commitment fears me, but that is because I know cognitively that my life is not my own but I have not experienced it spiritually.
“I am not pointing fingers at anyone but myself….”
Oh, yes, you are — right at me!
Powerful stuff, Lionel. Keep it coming….
Dave, I am afraid I am going to have to do it, but I am beginning to understand that my life isn’t my own and that this life is fleeing pleasures. I ask that you pray as I am that the Lord would work the grace necessary in my heart to be conformed to what I cognitively agree with.
You and Alan are killing me…and I love you guys for it. I was just listening to a song called Frail:
Convinced of my deception
I’ve always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would
A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things
If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be…
I would be…
Blessed are the shallow
Depth they’ll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide
Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace
If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be…
I would be…
…frail
I’m afraid of being frail.
Hutch,
Excellent song!
Lionel,
Well, on facebook earlier this week, I said that I wish I could live what I write. Now, I’ll add that I wish I could live what you write. Like you, I feel I’ve barely starting crossing the line, but so far, I like where God is taking us.
-Alan
Hey man good, good post…wow, pretty convicting. I appreciate it though, as Dave said ” keep it coming.”
“Wherever you, be all there, and live to the hilt whatever you are convinced is the will of God for your life.” Jim Elliott wrote — and lived — those words. I seek to do the same. I know you do, too. Let us pray for one another.
Lionel,
)
I’ve been on the brink of this for a few weeks now, and the Lord used Dave to push me over the edge last week. I can’t get my mind off of this thing!!! God is really stirring the saints in this area and I am EXCITED to see what He’s going to do with us
Vetta, be praying for us, and I pray that God uses you and Jeff to stir our affections!
Lionel,
You are a treasure!
Thank you Sir.
love the cartoon LOL
I think what you’re talking about in the post, Bro Lionel, is what Joshua Harris discussed in his book “Stop Dating the Church” ( http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001474.cfm )—in light of how so many (especially young adults) often critique that which occurs in churches and yet they in no way have shown at all they’re willing to be committed to it the way a man commits to a woman in marriage….for better or worse.
Glad that Jesus doesn’t treat His Church the way we treated the women in the “Black Book”..
Bro. Lionel,
Paul says in 2 Timothy 4:10 “for Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessolonica;”
At times, now being one of them, I feel that it could be Christ speaking and Demas’ name substituted for mine….”for Dacus, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone….”
BLD-
I see what you are saying and identify with it, but Demas did not necessarily desert Christ, he left Paul in the middle of one of Pauls journeys. Perhaps going with Paul was not Gods plan for Demas or maybe it was but either way, Barnabas still thought Demas was a valued brother with whom to conduct ministry and took him with him on his journey. Paul later on recognized that Demas was useful to him as well. What great hope we have that believers can have misteps and false starts and still be in Christ! But as evidenced by Demas’ life, he was still firmly in Christs hand and being progressively conformed into the image of Christ! I sure can identify with that!
This story and these verses teach me a number of lessons, first off, Paul may have bveen wrong. I try real hard to make sure that if somebody does not feel that God is calling them to do what God has called me to do that I do not think that they are un-committed or not in God’s will. It was probably real hard to keep up with Paul’s zealous vivid Damascus Road mandate to suffer for Christ. Perhaps Barnabas was the proper mentor/partner for Demas at that time.
I feel ya Hutch. I was actually substituting Paul speaking as well as Demas’ name. In other words, Christ would be saying it about me in regards to my committment to Him. But thankfully, He is not like us. He does not accuse us (like our adversary). He lovingly chastises us (though no chastisement seems joyful – Hebrews 12), forgives us, conforms us and comforts us, inspite of ourselves.
Lawrence D, what if I said the “chastisement” in Hebrews has nothing to do with “discpline” as correction but “discipline” as instruction.
Uh, I would ask you to explain further because that would be very interesting.
!
Follow the thought. In Hebrews 11, the writer (Paul to me) is talking about faith. The faith of some never materialized to blessings in this world, some even had to run and hide in caves, he then moves into Christ who “endured hostility”, he then tells them they have not endure to the point of “shedding blood” (dying) like Christ. He then tells them to endure, because this “endurance” is for their “discpline” (verse 7). So this “discpline” was not for something they had done wrong (which is what the entire book is showing us how they are ready to turn back to the Old Covenant because of some type of persecution). The discpline was much like what a personal trainer or teacher provides to increase one’s “endurance”. It is the discipline you provide your children (cleaning up, not eating too many sweets, turning off the televison) it is instruction and correction not a spank on the bottom for something they did wrong.
Bro. Lionel,
Just so I’m clear on your thoughts, your original statement was:
“Lawrence D, what if I said the “chastisement” in Hebrews has nothing to do with “discpline” as correction but “discipline” as instruction”
And the last sentence of your response reads:
“it is instruction and correction not a spank on the bottom for something they did wrong.”
So does it have nothing to do with correction or is it both instruction and correction but just not for something that they did wrong?
Yes, your last statement. It wasn’t because they did something sinful, but because God loves them and wants to instruct them, in the process He used the hands of evil men to accomplish this task (much like being appointed to suffer in 1 Thess and Philppians 1). So when I hear this quoted it is usually because I have sinned and God is discipling me for my sin, but I believe this text is saying this has nothing to do with what they did wrong, but for instruction and correction (much like we correct our heart when we run).
Ok. So then, what would be the proper verse to use or that would apply to dealing with something we did wrong? (Other than God’s ultimate “dealing” with the sin of His people which took place on the cross)
That should read: “or that would apply to God dealing presently with something we do wrong?”.
LD… that is a good question. Maybe James 5 or 1 Corinthians 11. But just like I think Galatians 5 and Romans 7 is misused I believe the same here. Whats your thoughts on the explanation I provided? Did you see why I disagreed with the common use of this text?
Somewhat. Let me chew on it a bit. I believe that there is room for both usages given the quoting of the OT text. “Scourging” would seem to be in line with punishment/correction for wrong rather than simply instruction. Perhaps it is a both/and rather than an either/or. But again, let me give it more thought.
BTW, how is Galatians 5 misused? Do you have a post on that already? My memory is failing me right now.
http://blackandreformedministries.com/2008/11/30/galatians-5-fleshly-christian-versus-spiritual-or-redeemed-vs-unredeemed/
BTW, I will let you chew, but I think given the context of the letter I think we can only go one way. Follow the thought, take away the chapter break and see who the writer parallels their “endurance” with (Christ endured sinners)
LD,
“So then, what would be the proper verse to use or that would apply to dealing with something we did wrong?”
My response:
God’s judgment is righteous judgment to bring about correction/restoration/reconciliation. When we realize that we have sinned and then procede to repent, we are judging ourselves so that we don’t have to be judged by God. When we allow known sin to continue, God then judges/chastises us for our correction. This is what all of God’s judgments are about. God does not judge just for the sake of punishment but ultimetly for correction. First, the Body of Christ is being presently judged/corrected in this present age and then comes the judgement age for all others.
Consider I Cor 11:28-32 as it relates to God judging us in the present age for correction.
28 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner[a] eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord’s[b] body. 30 For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep. 31 For if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged. 32 But when we are judged, we are chastened by the Lord, that we may not be condemned with the world.
Hope this is helpful. I do not intend on setting off a big dispute on the coming judgment (doubtful things) that might offend or harm some who are weak in faith.